Expressing Gender as We See Fit
All-Gender Restroom sign at The New School, taken March 2018
When my daughter was in elementary school, she was super creative with the outfits she put together each day. And some days, she used to gender play with her clothes, putting her outfits together in a traditionally boy way. One morning she came into the kitchen in one of these outfits she’d put together, and I commented, “Hey, cute outfit. That’s one of your cool boy outfits, right?” “Yup,” she said proudly. Then I decided to go deeper. “I love the way you express yourself. How do you feel on this inside? Do you feel like a boy or girl?” She stopped and stared at me confused, and her little brother who was on the other side of her popped his head around to look at me equally confused. I felt like I was up against a wall, so I continued. “I mean, some people are born a girl, and on the inside really know that they’re a boy. And some people are born a boy, and really know that they’re a boy. On the inside, do you know if you’re a boy or a girl?” She stared back at me, and dryly replied, “Girl.” “And you?” I asked her brother’s head stilling peering around her body. “Boy.” “Ok, great! What do you want for breakfast?”
Now, why did I do that? I’ll tell you why - 50% of transgender teens in the District of Columbia have attempted suicide. And I knew I didn’t want my child to be one of the statistics. If my child was transgender, I wanted my child to know that I loved them unconditionally, and I want them to thrive.
Keeping the needs of our students front and center as my driving priority was something that made me work really hard when I was Director of Health and Wellness at DC Public Schools. And, it guides me today as I consult with schools as the founder of my own health and education equity consulting firm.
Here’s what I know. It is our job as educators to help all children learn. Right? And now here’s what I help educators understand when I train them on the needs of transgender students. We should let young people express their genders as they see fit, so we can bring joy to their days and help them thrive.